Massive Blaze Stuns Town

100ft high flames leap from the burning biscuit yesterday.

Police are searching for an arsonist who set fire to  Bideford’s world famous biscuit landmark late yesterday afternoon in an act of wanton vandalism that has stunned the town. Art Kerfuffle reports: At around 4.30 yesterday afternoon Bideford Fire Brigade, supported by five other  appliances from across the area, tackled a massive blaze that had taken hold & eventually burnt the Custard Cream completely to the ground. Eye witness reports state that some 15 minutes earlier earlier a young man aged around 16 years old dressed in a red hooded sweatshirt, jeans & trainers was seen running from the scene laughing heartily & shouting obscene biscuit related propaganda. Horrified locals looked on helplessly as fire crews tried bravely to save the elevenses style snack but the flames became too intense as the central cream layer ignited & had to retire to a safer distance dowsing down nearby properties. “At first we thought we might be able to save the old girl” said Chief Fire Officer Trevor Westlake “but it soon became apparent that the highly combustible nature of the custard cream filling would defeat us, and it did”. “My crews risked life & limb but to no avail, the fire was just too intense”. Investigators are quoted as saying “There is little hope of finding any evidence because of the severe nature of the blaze”. Police are working on the idea that the fire was started deliberately by a member of the increasingly militant Cookie minority who have until recently limited their attacks to crushing other biscuit brands on shelves at Asda. “This would appear to be a severe ratcheting up of their tactics” exclaimed inspector Broome of the yard. “If anyone has any information relating to the incident we ask them to call crimestoppers 0n 0800 555 111”. “My greatest fear is that this might inflame tensions between the Westward Ho! based Cookie minority and those of the Appledore Garibaldi & Bourbon majority, I sincerely hope not”.